This is my second to last post about this cleanse. Day 12 & 13 were good, but I am ready to be done.
One thing I will miss is the deep, uninterrupted sleep that I have when I am doing a detox fast. I will usually feel the effects for a few months after the cleanse, before the insomnia that I often deal with kicks back in. Hopefully, this time it won’t kick back in.
I spent the weekend unpacking, planting more seeds in my fall vegetable garden, organizing the garage and hanging wall shelves. It was good to have a lot to do, but the kid of stuff you can take a lot of mini breaks from, as I like to keep my focus off of going without during a fast (and more on listening and letting go of the old), and also, I don’t have consistent, high energy, so I need to rest frequently.
In the beginning of November, I am planning to start training for a half marathon. I have no idea if I can run that kind of distance, but running a full marathon has been on my bucket list for a long time, and I’m not getting any younger, especially my knees, so I figure a half is a good strong challenge. I’ve been running, off and on, since I was 10 years old. This fast has renewed my motivation to give my body the opportunity to be at it’s best level of fitness and chase down big fitness goals. I’m glad to have lost some weight, 2/3 of which will probably stay off when I start eating again, and I feel lighter and purged of impurities that may have been holding me back.
Today, Day 14 as I write this, I am a little sad. I am wrapping up this fast tomorrow, and with it goes the farewell to the last season as I am now fully ensconced in the new. This is always bittersweet for me. I think it is important to take inventory of what we have lost and gained through the different chapters of our lives, and with that analysis comes joy and inevitably, a bit of grief. It is hard for me to say goodbye to living in Oklahoma, and especially to the beautiful short time when we returned to OK after being I Mexico for 3 months. It was as if the air was charged with electricity for months, and God’s voice was so clear, and my heart so full.
Florida is my home, but now Oklahoma is too. I think I will live there again one day, and truth be told, there are several other places I would like to live for a while too, but for now, we are settling in Florida. It is something my husband and I prayed about a lot. We were not sure we wanted to return to a place that has been our launching pad, but also, our ceiling. We have felt very limited in our hometown in the past. I am sure many people who move away from home feel this way as a motivation to move somewhere different, or maybe as a reminder when they visit during holidays.
Living in Oklahoma for these past 5 years was one of the best, hardest things. It was powerfully hard in the beginning, and forced me to stretch and grow. Slowly, it became a home for me. I miss my friends there, the fall, my church, my favorite places, the big sky, the feel of a big city.
Now we are in a small town again, which has it’s charms, and I am saying hello to this new chapter. It is always nice to see old friends, but sometimes I wonder if they will allow me the space to have changed in these last years, and if they will respect who I am now, and if those friendships will remain. I have learned so much about God these last years, which surprisingly, has led to knowing and loving myself more, and being able to live on a level of honesty that I was not capable of until Oklahoma.
My heart is full of these thoughts today. It is okay to grieve a little, and put the past gently to bed, smooth her forehead, kiss her goodnight.
Part of fasting and detoxing is addressing the emotions that rise up out of our souls in this time of peace and quiet.
I continue to have 2-4 juices a day, a few quarts of filtered water, different herb teas, broth, coconut oil. My energy is intermittent, but good. Skin is clear. Clothes are baggy. Heart is peaceful. Stomach is quiet.
I look forward to the future with joy. There are so many plans in my heart, so many dreams waiting to be watered. I believe it gets better and better.
I’m really glad I had the grace to do this cleanse, and I hope it has in some small way helped you in your own journey.
I’ll see you at the end of Day 15.